Christmas Cookies
by Bittersweet Romanticide
Summary: Pallet and Oystershipping. Ash and Misty decide to make Christmas cookies for their partners, Gary and Dawn. However, when they get their hands on some strange, clear liquid, things aren't going the way they plan. Talk about cooking with wine!


Palletshipping and Oystershipping

And, yes, everyone, I do know what lemon zest is.

* * *

**Christmas Cookies**

If either Gary or Dawn had seen their partners rushing down the hallway of their apartment, they probably would've laughed. It was three in the morning of Christmas Day, and the two of them were clad in nothing but flannel pajamas. Misty's were red with a decadent Christmas pattern, an azumaril in a Christmas hat, while Ash's were dark green with a large Christmas tree printed on his chest. The clothes were loose enough to cause them to stumble over the pant legs before continuing the muffled shuffle of slipper-ed feet across a rug. The two of them constantly shushed each other, almost like children trying to sneak a look at their presents that was surely happening all around the pokémon world.

"Shh!" Misty gasped as Ash tumbled to the ground, thankfully catching himself quietly. "You're gonna wake up Dawn and Gary! Then what'll be the point of waking up at three?" She plopped into the chair in front of the computer and typed quickly, opening up the food network webpage and running a search for Christmas cookies. He got up and came to sit beside her, curled up tight on his little high backed chair.

"Why did we do this anyway?" Ash asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "I mean, I know we're making cookies, but why are we making cookies? Couldn't we have just gone out and done something we're good at? Like, I dunno, catching a pokémon?"

"But that's not special," Misty huffed. "Baking is romantic, and it's way better because it shows we really tried! After all, last time we tried to cook the microwave caught on fire. Who knew we were supposed to take that stupid thing out of the package?"

"Anyone could've made the same mistake," Ash agreed. "So, what type of cookies are we going to make? There's a lot of different types." His eyes looked up and down the page. "Oh! Those look really good! Chile Pepper Christmas Cookies! Look, they're even shaped like little Chile peppers! Let's make those!"

"No way!" Misty hissed. "I'm not doing that! Chile pepper cookies, Ash? I hate Chile peppers! I hate all kinds of peppers and you need Chile powder to make these! Besides, do Chile peppers scream 'romantic' to you? Hell, Ash, Chile peppers don't even scream 'Christmas'!"

"They're Chile peppers! They're not supposed to being saying anything!" Ash hissed back. "Besides, they're not Chile pepper cookies. They're Chile Pepper _Christmas_ Cookies! See, that's Christmas-y, don't you think?"

"I think you're an r-tard," Misty muttered.

"I'm not an r-tard" Ash said dejectedly.

He paused, then took a deep breath in. Misty began to panic, remembering that this was the exact form Ash took right before he called for their 'parents' so to speak. "Ash! Don't!" She said, slamming her hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry! You're not an r-tard! You can't call Gary or Dawn! If they wake up we won't be able to surprise them with the cookies!" Misty removed her hand from Ash's mouth when he nodded. "And, no, before you ask, they will not being Chile Pepper Cookies."

"Chile Pepper _Christmas _Cookies," he corrected her, still a little downhearted. He perked up when they looked back at the webpage. "Hey! How about Christina's Gingerbread Dough-oh never mind. It's got 'Difficult' written on it. Let's not try that one."

"I think you're right," Misty nodded. "Better safe than sorry, right?"

"Way better safe than sorry for this challenge," Ash grinned. He began to giggle. "We should be on a game show. When we're cooking these things they should set up cameras and record us. They'd probably put it on Comedy Central with all the swearing you do!" They both giggled at that, covering their mouths so as not to wake the others up. "Hey, look, Swedish Christmas cookies! Look how pretty they are!"

"They are nice," Misty agreed. "Very pretty! Those are great Christmas presents. We've got all that junk. Wait, what's lemon zest?" She looked at Ash, who shrugged. She groaned, as if it was his fault neither of them knew, and typed it in on a google search. "Oh, it's just lemon peel. We've got lemons. I've seen Dawn playing with that thing. It's called, what? A lemon zester. Oh, what a creative name. If only I had thought of it."

"I could've thought of a better name than that!" Ash exclaimed. He shook his head. "Aw, just print it, Mist. It's intermediate level. That's, like, middle level, right? We could probably handle that. It looks like it's not that bad."

"Famous last words," she giggled, hitting the print button. Unfortunately, the two of them were not prepared for the whizzing sound of a printer starting up. It sent them into a panic. Ash fell off his chair, catching it before it clattered to the ground after him, and Misty began to spin around in a panic. She slammed her hand down on the printer, trying to get it to shut down, which it told her it would do after it had finished printing. "Why would I want you to shut off later? That's so stupid! Shut off now!" She gasped with fright. "Ash, what are you doing! That's not helping! Dammit, Ash! You're such an r-tard!"

"Get a pillow!" Ash said, embracing the printer in a great big bear hug. "That'll muffle the noise! Get it!" Misty raced away and slammed a pillow over the printer, the two of them covered it as the papers rolled out, successfully keeping the sound down to a quiet purr. "I think it's done. I think we're safe. It's over. We can get off the printer now," Ash breathed. They stepped off the printer and looked at the papers.

"Who knew two sheets could cause so much trouble?" Misty panted, putting a hand to her forehead. She snatched up the papers and dragged Ash into the kitchen. "Come on, Ash. It's time to make cookies."

"Don't you have something to say about me and my great pillow idea?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest childishly. "Something like, 'Oh, Ash, you are so smart and handsome and incredible! Without you, my idea would have totally failed!' "

"Fine" she sighed. "You're not an r-tard. Is that good enough?"

"It's a start," he agreed grudgingly. "So, what do we do now?"

"I'll read off the list of ingredients and you can find them," Misty smiled, looking at the list. "Okay, we need flour, salt, butter, sugar and an egg. Those are all the things we know about. Do you know what vanilla extract is?" She blinked. Ash was half in a cupboard, throwing out an unopened bag of flower, a cylinder of salt and an opened bag of sugar (closed securely with a clip) onto the floor behind him. "Ash! You're spilling the sugar everywhere!"

"Huh?" He asked, he backed out of the cupboard and smacked his head against the side. "Oh, shit!" He said, holding his head. "Oh, that hurt. That hurt really bad. Ooh, that hurts. Misty, help me out here! Stop laughing!"

"Keep your voice down!" She gasped through her giggles. "We're going to get in so much trouble! So, do you have any idea what vanilla extract is?" She asked again. Ash shrugged and looked in the cabinet again. "It's probably white, vanilla's white. So, if vanilla's white, vanilla extract should be too."

"Erm, maybe this is it?" Ash asked, pulling out a clear colored liquid. "It's sort of white. I don't think it's supposed to be in this container though. This is definitely not extra virgin olive oil." He looked back in the cabinet and pulled out two more containers like it. "Even I know what extra virgin olive oil looks like, and this is definitely not it! Do you think they were trying to hide the vanilla extract from us? Weird, huh?"

"I'm going to try some," Ash said. He unscrewed the cap and took a big swig. "That's definitely not olive oil. It tastes familiar though. I think I had some at your sister's wedding. Can't remember what it is though. Here, you try." He screwed the cap on and tossed her the huge jar.

She tilted her head back and took a drink. "Wow, that does taste familiar." She took another drink, and Ash opened another container. "That's really good. It's almost addicting. Well, I'm sure we don't need vanilla extract. What the hell is cardamom?"

"What's cardamom?" Ash said confusedly, continuing to drink from the bottle. "What _is _this stuff? We should yell at Gary and Dawn for hiding this! This is really good! I wonder why they wouldn't want us to have it."

"No wonder they were drinking olive oil while cooking," Misty said, taking another sip. "And they kept saying 'we're just cooking with wine' and they started laughing and then they'd say 'No, we like the hard stuff'." The two of them began to giggle and took more sips. "All right, let's drink more later. We need to get back to this cooking crap," she said. She went to the fridge and pulled out the eggs and butter, setting them down on the table as Ash lined up the other ingredients they had.

"We're supposed to whisk the flour, cardamom, and salt in a bowl," Ash said. He unscrewed the cap again and took a sip. His tongue was starting to feel heavy in his mouth, thick. He took another drink to try and get the feeling off.

"Well, we don't have cardamom," Misty sighed. She snatched the bottle from Ash's hand and took a swig. "Okay, so, put in two and one half cups of flour and ¼ of a teaspoon of salt, then you just shake it up a bunch and that's the first step. Way too easy, right?"

"Misty, you're talking funny," Ash told her, giggling a bit at her slurred words.

"Well, you are too!" She shot back, giggling. "Okay, okay, let's open the flour. We can't drink anymore of that stuff, we're totally getting distracted." She grabbed the bag and began ripping at it clumsily, not getting anywhere fast. "Ash, this isn't freaking working."

"You just don't know what you're doing!" Ash laughed. The two of them began to rip at the bag together, shouting in surprise when it burst open and covering their faces. "Hey! Why'd that happen? Now how are we going to do this?"

"There's still some left!" Misty protested. "I don't really know how much two and a half cups is. You can just grab, like, a mug or something and we'll try that." She said, scrambling for the bottle and taking another swig. "Oh, screw it. Just throw in a bunch."

"Okay," Ash shrugged, tossing the remainder in. "Misty, get butter. We've got to mix that and the sugar in a food processor. That's the blendy thing that makes the funny noise, right?" Misty nodded and got the butter while Ash pulled out a food processor.

"So, one stick, one cup, same thing, right?" She asked. She looked down at the paper, the words blurring before her eyes. "Oh, it says two sticks of butter." She walked back to the refrigerator and pulled out another stick of butter. She gave a quiet groan and leaned forward into the fridge. She was starting to feel nauseous. The cold air did feel kind of good though. Ash called her name, and she groaned again. "I don't feel so good."

"Well, let's make the cookies and then we can lay down," Ash shrugged.

"Okay," she agreed grudgingly. She stumbled back to the counter and poured in the sugar. "Yeah, that looks like on cup."

"We shouldn't do that."

"I don't give a damn!" Misty snapped. "I wanna sleep," Her head dropped down to the counter and she moaned again. She looked at the paper. "We don't need an egg and who want a sour lemon in their cookies? No lemon zest! We're done. Pour in that vanilla and throw in the butter until it looks like dough."

"Alright," Ash sighed. He did as he was told, then looked at the paper and groaned. "Oh no! We're supposed to freeze it for two hours! We don't have two hours! We wasted all this time for nothing!" his eyes started to fill up with tears. "There goes cookies. We should've caught a pokémon."

"Why freeze it? We're just going to cook it anyway." She went to the oven and punched in three forty five, originally intending for a number twenty degrees lower. She yanked out a pan for another cabinet, slammed it on the table, and slammed the dough on the cooking tray. "We'll cut it later after we cook it. Throw this in the oven, I'm going to go sit down."

"Do you want another sip?" Ash asked, innocently holding up the bottle.

"Sure," she said, feeling a bit happier at the thought. She brought the bottle to her face, then felt her stomach turn. She shook her head wildly, tossed it back at Ash, and barely made it to their sink before throwing up. She had drank half the bottle, whereas Ash had drank much less, but that couldn't be the reason, could it? She threw up again, her eyes watering. She wiped at them and washed her mouth out with water.

"You threw up," Ash giggled, taking another small sip.

"Shut up," she moaned.

"You threw up, you threw up," Ash began to do a little drunken dance. Misty shoved past him and collapsed onto the nearest sofa, her head falling back as she slouched, barely sitting up. Ash stumbled over and sat next to her, holding her close. "I'm sorry."

"'S okay," She slurred.

"Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah," she murmured. She hugged him close. "You're a good big brother, Ash. I bet you'll be a good Daddy. I _know _you'll be a good Daddy and Gary will too. I can't wait until you two adopt a baby. Maybe Dawn and I will adopt a baby. Do you think Dawn will like the cookies?"

"Don't worry. She will. I know Gary will too!" He said optimistically. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and gave her another squeeze. "Night, Misty."

"Night," She murmured.

* * *

"Oh, what the hell!" Gary snapped, turning off the oven while Dawn fanned at the smoke detector. "Christmas f—king day! What were these idiots thinking? The f—king smoke detector is going off. You'd figure that would've woken the dumb asses up!"

"Gary, look at the table," Dawn said with a slight smile. She finally managed to get the smoke alarm to stop its wailing and wandered over to the counter, holding up the nearly empty bottle. "Someone got into our liquor," she sang.

"Oh crap," He groaned. "They've never had a drink before. They're probably completely trashed!" Gary sat down next to Ash and slowly shook him up. "Ash? Ash, wake up. Come on, Ashy-boy, it's Christmas. Don't you want your presents?"

"Gary, my head hurts," Ash moaned, releasing Misty and snuggling into his lover. "We were making you cookies. It was supposed to be a surprise but now it won't be because you're awake and…oh, this is bad." He opened sad eyes and looked up at Gary. "I'm sorry we ruined the surprise. Are the cookies any good?"

"They burnt," Gary sighed.

"Oh," Ash said despairingly.

"It's alright, Ash. Accidents happen. It's the thought that counts in the end, isn't it?" Gary consoled. "How about I make you some warm coffee and toast to try and get rid of that hang over you'll be feeling later today?" Ash nodded drowsily.

"Dawn I'm sorry," Misty moaned. "I really was trying to give you a merry Christmas. I'm too tired now to do anything but sleep and hope the headache stops."

"It's fine, Misty. But, if you really want to give me a merry Christmas the best thing you could do is go into the bedroom and go ahead to sleep. I'll be there in a few minutes and we can have a very, very merry Christmas."

"Dawn!"

"What?" She said sweetly. "It's not like I can have this fun when she's sober…" She paused, "…or conscious."

"Sexual offender, leave her be," Gary scolded.

"You're just jealous because you're not getting any action until you two can find someone to marry the two of you," Dawn smirked. She sighed. "I wasn't actually going to do anything. I was just kidding. Let's take them back, we'll celebrate Christmas tonight."

_The two of the picked up their partners and took them to bed. If not merry, it would certainly be a Christmas to remember.

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_

Yeah, ending sucked. I didn't know what else to do. Well…

Happy Holidays, review, flame, whatever!


End file.
